Nuan nan 暖男 (Translation: sweet man / sunshine boy)

Nuan nan is a word appeared in China more than half decade years ago. The type of dream men went mainstream when the Korean TV drama My Love From The Star hit China in 2012. The leading character Professor Du (starring Kim Soo-hyun) was seen as the classic role model of the archetype.

What does Nuan Nan exactly means? Baidu provided an official definition:

“Nuan Nan refers to sunshine men who make the others feel warm. They are able to provide very detailed care (e.g. put on a overcoat on you when you feel cold, pass you a cup of tea when you are tired, remind you to put on your socks when you step out of the shower room, etc.), they are responsible to their families, they are good at cooking, and more importantly they put the feeling of others beyond their own interests. They often look smooth and dress smart instead of trendy. Compared to the archetype of young and refreshing boy, they have much stronger inward world. They are often named family men.”

Though in most of the social buzz the part that has been highlighted are mainly about taking care of the girls as we could see from those Korean TV drama.

You might think the archetype sounds quite decent therefore men and women should not have any issue with it. However a blog post triggered a lively topical debate on social media which revealed the conflicts covered by the popularity of nuan nan on the TV screen.  

Lu Jin is a Radio host working in Zhe Jiang Radio Station. In 2014 she wrote a blog post named “Nuan Nan”. In the post she explained the reason why nuan nan became popular and why girl should go with nuan nan. She thought that what Chinese women needed now was not only financial security, but also emotional support and care from their partners. She explained why nuan nan was more appealing and appropriate to women who are facing the pressure of both life and career. Meanwhile she also criticised Chinese male’s traditional perception towards women in relationship and their theory about seeing women as a disposable assets in their career life.

The article was short but the point was clear. The post received 6 million views in 5 days. With lots of supporters sharing and echoing with Lu Jin’s point of view, the article also attracted lots of opponents stepping out and with different opinion.  

First of all opponents challenged that whether a girl would still in favour of a nuan nan if he was nobody without money. Opponents believed that the request of nuan nan was a layer that demanding girls added on the top of the material foundation. Girls were indeed in favour of materials more than true loves.  Therefore girls please don’t mislead the boy by simply highlighting the desire for true love.  (Arguably I’d say it’s true that majority of Chinese women would probably hesitate to marry men that are financially vulnerable though they are now more financially affluent.)

Secondly opponents argued that men would not be warm hearted to girls that were not attractive to them. Girls should reflect themselves if they couldn’t win the love from nuan nan.  (Well, arguably true again. A typical example would be Nicolas Tse’s contradictive behaviour in front of his two wifes.)

Thirdly they believed that in normal life (not in Korean TV drama) nuan nan were mostly losers. They were silly boys if they naively believed they could win girls’ heart only through their warm heart. Or they could be much less competitive therefore they could only adopt the nuan nan strategy to influence the girls’ decision. In any situation they were the ones who made girls feel good, but they would never win girls’ love. As a result nuan nan was given another nick name -- the backup cloud (云备胎).

It was said that Nuan Nan was basically the male version equivalence of “green tea bitch”, the type of girl faking themselves on their appearances and hiding their ugly desires underneath. 

I am personally a supporter to Lu Jin. Some of the arguments from opponents sound like sour grapes to me. But some of the other points do make some sense and make me think.

I wonder whether the debate would happen if the word nuan nan appear in the 70s, 80s where people were used to taking care of their sisters and brothers.

Because of the one kid policy since late 1970s, the young generation has been taken good care of by their parents and grandparents. It’s not a surprise that they would expect something similar from their life partners. This is the case for both men and women.

On the other hand, the debate reveals the challenge of gender equality within families. Thanks to the revolution led by Chairmen Mao, Chinese women got fair career opportunity early since 1949. However the role of men and women within families haven’t change that much. In the 20^th century the earning of women have been much more competitive than ever before. Under the pressure from their career, women are now requiring equality in sharing the housework. However to the husbands sacrificing their own treasurable time to take care of their wives sounds like a tough challenge to their masculine and is seen to be a weakening of the husbands’ image as a successful man.

Last and most importantly, warm hearted is obviously not a single criteria to be a winner from the perspective of both men and women according to the debate. A successful and charming man has to be a man of substance. What substance do women expected? Each girl would have her own answer. And this would obviously lead to another interesting debate.

Source:

The definition of Nuan Nan. Link: http://baike.baidu.com/subview/5077346/14801533.htm

Where does the word Nuan Nan come from? Link: http://world.people.com.cn/n/2014/0813/c1002-25460781.html

Lu Jin’s article Nuan Nan: http://www.qiao-you.com/index.php/article/detail/uid/27163.html